Parents warned of Internet perils

FALLS VILLAGE — In response to a sexting incident at Housatonic Valley Regional High School in which inappropriate photographs were forwarded to a large number of students, Erin Curry from the Housatonic Youth Service Bureau, HVRHS Principal Matt Harnett and Lt. David Rice of the Connecticut State Police led a presentation and discussion of technology and children on Feb. 22 at the high school.Harnett said the conversation that resulted after the sexting episode was “fresh and raw.” The students not only had feelings and opinions about the originators of the episode, but also for the recipients who forwarded the images. Harnett said he was heartened by the reaction of the freshman and sophomore seminar teachers, who said, “Let’s do something about this now.”“These kids know it’s wrong, but it’s difficult for them to realize the implications. They don’t think it can come back to haunt them,” he said.Harnett is not a fan of Facebook. “Personally I don’t like it and don’t have it. My experience with it is negative. “He expressed skepticism about the hugely popular social media site. Facebook comes up not “because they are making connections around the world, but because someone said something mean.”Harnett said he’s found that students have several Facebook pages — one for parental perusal and others for different groups of friends or acquaintances.“How you monitor this, I don’t know,” he said. “It’s frightening to me. You never know who is on the other end of it.”At the end of the meeting, Harnett told a couple of stories to illustrate the perils of the online world. A friend who works in a college admissions office showed him two stacks of files — one stack was the applications themselves, and the other was Internet search results.The second stack was twice as big, Harnett said. His friend told him that if there is anything sketchy or dubious, the application is flagged and put aside. The applicant is probably rejected.At a previous high school job, he continued, a female student was approached by an adult man who tracked her down at a softball game.When Harnett looked at the student’s Facebook page, there were two photos of the young woman in her softball uniform — with the team mascot and her uniform number visible.The student had also revealed that she played second base. The man figured out which school had that mascot, consulted team schedules and eventually was able to pick out the student at the game.The student was shocked, Harnett said.“She thought the information she posted was generic,” he said. “We have to learn and stay on top of it as best we can.” It’s not easy. When the sexting incident blew up, Harnett said he had interviewed one student and a few minutes later, when he went to a classroom to find the next interviewee, the students had already been alerted by text message.Harnett said he is willing to work with parents to share information. He has printed Facebook pages with photos of children engaged in activities that are “inappropriate, let alone illegal,” and called parents to notify them.“But’s that really all I can do” about activities that occur off school grounds, he said.Police presentationLt. David Rice, commander of State Police Troop B in North Canaan, had a presentation for the modest crowd of perhaps 10 parents. He said there are many misconceptions about online relationships, whether on Facebook, chat rooms or some other format.They include: I know who I am talking to; I am safe at home; this sort of thing doesn’t happen in Connecticut; I’m smarter than that.He went through the progression of an online predator’s hunt, using an actual example of a man in his late 30s who, posing as a 21-year-old, developed an online relationship with a minor female.“Here’s where he said he lived,” said Rice, showing a photo that wouldn’t be out of place in Architectural Digest. “And here’s where he lived.” This photo showed a police officer standing in the middle of a scene of considerable squalor — an unmade bed, a computer in the corner and piles of junk everywhere.Rice said it is important for parents to see what their children are putting on their Facebook page — are they including specifics such as the name of their school, their birthday, their home address?“It’s like advertising — you’re putting it out where anyone can see it,” Rice said.A predator, armed with seemingly inocuous details, can quickly assemble crucial information using town property records and services such as Google Earth.Using perfectly legal and readily available means, a predator can wind up with a dossier that includes the address, an aerial view, maps of nearby streets, even house plans.Then there are the photos that teens post showing risky behavior, such as drinking. Or two girls in cheerleader outfits, pretending to use urinals in what has to be a men’s bathroom.Or a speedometer reading 115 miles per hour. In that case, Rice said, the photo also included an exit sign on I-84. The police were able to track down the teenage driver and make a charge.Or a young woman, wrapped in tape, with a male holding a cup of what appeared to be an alcoholic drink to her mouth.Or the Halloween party pictures, showing not just underage drinking but the parents of the home participating.“Think before posting,” said Rice. “It’s never deleted.”When an incident involves sending sexual images, the senders and recipients can, under some circumstances, be charged with possession or distribution of child pornography.There can be tragic results, Rice said. In one case, a girl sent a sexual image of herself to her boyfriend. The couple broke up, and the boy sent the photo around. Eventually the girl committed suicide.Rice said in his home, the computer is in the kitchen. When his teenage children are done, they do not log off — so Rice or his wife can review the activity.“Be a parent, not a friend,” he said.How to proceedA parent asked what she should do if her child receives an inappropriate photo on the cell phone. Rice advised informing the school immediately, and to call the police if the photo shows any sort of abuse.“The sooner the kid tells someone about it, the sooner we can clear it up,” he said.He said it is best not to respond to the message and to tell an adult — a parent or school administrator — as soon as possible.Curry said she is working with teenage girls on empowerment.“They don’t need to be sending these pictures,” she said. “For parents, the most important thing is to be aware of what your kids are doing” with their computers or phones.She advised discussing the difference between public and private information.“Your kids might have different ideas on this,” she said.Rice acknowledged the difficulties.“The kids are always a step ahead. They grew up with this stuff.”