Age is a relative concept

Recently, I was reading the “Memoirs of Madame de La Tour du Pin.†She started the journal at the age of 50 and on the first page proclaims, “At heart, I still feel so young that it is only by looking into the mirror that I am able to convince myself that I am no longer 20 years of age.â€

She was writing in 1820. She grew up in an age when getting married in your teens was the norm. An unmarried 25-year-old woman would have qualified as an old maid — so 50 should have been like having one foot in the grave. But time is very relative.

There was a funny remark in an article last year in The Lakeville Journal — the fourth-graders at Cornwall Consolidated School were working on a history project that involved interviewing older residents. The teacher said, “I used to tell them to pick a senior citizen to talk to, but they would come back having interviewed a 40-year-old.â€

Since I only began to feel grown-up when I turned 40, I can completely identify with Madame de La Tour and I imagine most people do. Who, except for cranky hypochondriacs, is looking to get old before their time?

My children will sometimes characterize someone as really old and I’ll ask, “How old?†and they’ll say, “About 50.†In other words — my age. But for them, I’m not old. I’m just me. They see me differently because they know me.

Age is a number and a perception. We’ve all been told, “Act your age.†Of course, that is generally when we’re in the single digits or teens. I haven’t heard anyone say to an 80-year-old, “Act your age.â€

Shortly after moving to Salisbury, I went into the Town Hall and noticed there were brochures touting it as a retirement community. I was shocked. I had no idea. It didn’t look or feel like a retirement community and besides, don’t retirees move to Florida?

Now, eight years later, I’ve come to appreciate the hardy New England Yankee stock that populates the town. I find it inspiring and hope that I will be able to emulate the resilience and independent spirit of the older residents of this area. These are people who live in their own homes, split their own wood (I kid you not), do their own errands and probably take fewer medicines than your average urban 50-year-old.

And now, I’m dating an octogenarian. At least I think he’s in his 80s. He won’t tell me. Whatever his exact age, I am roughly three decades younger. I received a phone call from a friend the other day. “Who was that elderly man you were driving with? We passed you in the car going through town.†Elderly man? I had to stop and think and then I realized she was talking about my date.

But when the friend who introduced us told me this man was going to call me, I thought — he can’t be serious. He’s so old. Turns out, I often think he’s the youngest person in the room, and not just because we’re having lunch with his 90-year-old friends, but because he’s so dynamic.

People generally behave the way they feel, and should be evaluated for the way they behave, not their chronological age.

It really becomes a case of not judging a book by its cover.

In 2009 people age 65 and older made up 12.8 percent of the population. Transgenerational.org, an Internet website, predicts that the 65 and older population will reach 20 percent by the year 2050, thanks in large part to aging baby boomers.

America is an aging society that’s in conflict with itself. And it’s very much because of those baby boomers, who grew up believing the world was their oyster. Now that they’re older and have some free time, they’re determined to find the pearl. It’s routine to see ads on TV and in magazines for Viagra and other life enhancements that feature gray-haired, mature adults (read: 60 or 70 years old). There are retirement communities that are Disneyland for adults, offering a plethora of outdoor sports for active seniors. But on the other hand, 20-year-old starlets have confessed to getting Botox injections (just as a precaution).

So, even in the midst of a youth-obsessed culture, it should be acknowledged that there has been another kind of societal shift. These days if you’re skiing on a mountain, kayaking in the ocean, screaming down a zip line, the person next to you is as likely to be your parents’ age as yours, whatever that is.

Tara Kelly, copy editor at The Lakeville Journal, is an avid follower of social trends. She may be reached by e-mail at tarak@lakevillejournal.com.