Coping with a difficult boss

Are those close to you tired of hearing you complain about your boss? Do you dream of getting even? Unless your boss leaves, or you are fortunate enough to get a new job, you will need to learn how to cope in order to survive.

Last week’s Career Corner (Nov. 11 Lakeville Journal) focused on general guidelines for relating effectively with your boss. This column and the next will zero in on different types of difficult bosses and suggest coping strategies.

The bullying and intimidating boss

This is the proverbial “boss from hell†who derives pleasure in humiliating staff, especially in public. Often, such bosses are insecure individuals, using intimidation to ward off challenges from others. As bullies, they focus their abuse on those perceived to be weak, that is, who will cower rather than stand up for themselves.  

Coping strategy: Those with a thick skin who can let insults “roll off†are most likely to survive. Regardless of your tolerance for verbal abuse, you need to convey your respect for the boss — and self-respect as well.

Make it clear that you value constructive feedback, but want to be treated decently. If the boss continues to tear you down, you might try saying, “I value your feedback but do not like being spoken to in a demeaning manner. Perhaps we can continue this conversation at a later time.â€

The boss who does not support staff, allows problems to escalate

An insurance manager had a crucial job opening that went unfilled for six months, ostensibly because the boss would not press the case with senior management. As a result, the workload backed up and morale suffered. Such a boss can be a serious problem when it interferes with your ability to succeed.

Coping strategy: First, you need to ascertain why your boss has not supported you. Perhaps he or she is not committed to your staffing request. You also need to present your case in writing, highlighting the benefits and consequences if not met. If necessary, you should suggest a joint meeting with his or her boss.

The boss who adds little value

Some may wonder why their boss was ever hired. He or she knows less than you and often gives ill-advised directives. While doing team-building with executives from a consumer goods company, each had similar complaints regarding a newly hired senior executive whom they described as a “jerk.â€

Morale rapidly decreased; two executives resigned for better opportunities elsewhere, and others circumvented the boss whenever possible.  

Coping strategy: First of all, you need to accept reality. Unless the boss slips up, you are stuck.

Circumventing your boss entails risk: he or she might have pertinent information, or resent your actions.

If you go the “Don’t ask permission; ask forgiveness†route, explain why you did it, e.g. you felt it necessary to move quickly, with the company’s best interest in mind.

Be sure to document ill-advised directives, delineating your concerns in writing. If necessary, request a joint meeting with his or her superior.

The boss who adds value but is rarely available

Such a boss is OK for those who are able to work autonomously. But it can be stressful to those who need a sounding board and “green light†to proceed with their ideas.

Coping strategy: The key is to get on the boss’s calendar, which can be done through his or her administrative assistant. Or try e-mailing your boss when you have concerns or questions.  

General guidelines

To summarize, general guidelines for dealing with a difficult boss include:

• Calmly communicate your feelings and concerns, making certain that your boss is aware of what bothers you.

• Be respectful, but demonstrate self-respect as well. Expect to be treated decently and accept nothing less.

• Protect your reputation by documenting problems in writing.  

• If necessary, use other resources to help address the problem (e.g. human resources, senior management).

Should you have a story to tell, please send me an e-mail. Confidentiality will be maintained.

Danella Schiffer, Ph.D., is an industrial/organizational psychologist who resides in Salisbury and works nationally, with organizations and individuals. She can be reached at danella.schiffer@att.net.

Latest News

The artistic life of Joelle Sander

"Flowers" by the late artist and writer Joelle Sander.

Cornwall Library

The Cornwall Library unveiled its latest art exhibition, “Live It Up!,” showcasing the work of the late West Cornwall resident Joelle Sander on Saturday, April 13. The twenty works on canvas on display were curated in partnership with the library with the help of her son, Jason Sander, from the collection of paintings she left behind to him. Clearly enamored with nature in all its seasons, Sander, who split time between her home in New York City and her country house in Litchfield County, took inspiration from the distinctive white bark trunks of the area’s many birch trees, the swirling snow of Connecticut’s wintery woods, and even the scenic view of the Audubon in Sharon. The sole painting to depict fauna is a melancholy near-abstract outline of a cow, rootless in a miasma haze of plum and Persian blue paint. Her most prominently displayed painting, “Flowers,” effectively builds up layers of paint so that her flurry of petals takes on a three-dimensional texture in their rough application, reminiscent of another Cornwall artist, Don Bracken.

Keep ReadingShow less
A Seder to savor in Sheffield

Rabbi Zach Fredman

Zivar Amrami

On April 23, Race Brook Lodge in Sheffield will host “Feast of Mystics,” a Passover Seder that promises to provide ecstasy for the senses.

“’The Feast of Mystics’ was a title we used for events back when I was running The New Shul,” said Rabbi Zach Fredman of his time at the independent creative community in the West Village in New York City.

Keep ReadingShow less
Art scholarship now honors HVRHS teacher Warren Prindle

Warren Prindle

Patrick L. Sullivan

Legendary American artist Jasper Johns, perhaps best known for his encaustic depictions of the U.S. flag, formed the Foundation for Contemporary Arts in 1963, operating the volunteer-run foundation in his New York City artist studio with the help of his co-founder, the late American composer and music theorist John Cage. Although Johns stepped down from his chair position in 2015, today the Foundation for Community Arts continues its pledge to sponsor emerging artists, with one of its exemplary honors being an $80 thousand dollar scholarship given to a graduating senior from Housatonic Valley Regional High School who is continuing his or her visual arts education on a college level. The award, first established in 2004, is distributed in annual amounts of $20,000 for four years of university education.

In 2024, the Contemporary Visual Arts Scholarship was renamed the Warren Prindle Arts Scholarship. A longtime art educator and mentor to young artists at HVRHS, Prindle announced that he will be retiring from teaching at the end of the 2023-24 school year. Recently in 2022, Prindle helped establish the school’s new Kearcher-Monsell Gallery in the library and recruited a team of student interns to help curate and exhibit shows of both student and community-based professional artists. One of Kearcher-Monsell’s early exhibitions featured the work of Theda Galvin, who was later announced as the 2023 winner of the foundation’s $80,000 scholarship. Prindle has also championed the continuation of the annual Blue and Gold juried student art show, which invites the public to both view and purchase student work in multiple mediums, including painting, photography, and sculpture.

Keep ReadingShow less