It themes to me...

Who wouldn’t want to be The Lone Ranger? Listen to that music. It is joyous and victorious. I am not so sure how his horse, Silver, feels about this. He is the one who has to carry the load and run all over the countryside until the music stops.

How about “The Godfather?� You can just feel the sorrow at having to do these things to protect the family. James Bond has two themes; one for when he is sneaking around, the twangy guitar thing, and another for when he is kicking butt, the blaring, jazzy trumpets. The old Kubrick film “A Clockwork Orange� has a score that just drips malevolence.

So I am working on my own theme. First I need to visualize myself in a movie. When Pee-wee Herman made his movie, in which he made a movie about himself, the first thing they needed to do, and that I need to do, is visualize the actor who will play me in the film. Pee-wee had James Brolin. I am thinking Pierce Brosnan.  So why are you checking Chevy Chase’s workload? Stop that this instant.

u      u      u

Let’s see, the theme needs to reflect the person. Love of history, some technological skills, but not too much, family values, and a manly work history, and kind of old school; not quite right-up-to-date. I need to reflect a devoted pet in there somewhere, too, and of course a wife that kind of watches out for me so that I do not completely embarrass myself, plus cool clothes and a wacky sidekick. I wonder what Huntz Hall is doing these days?

It’s coming to me. I can hear the first strains in the distance. It is kind of jaunty and cheerful.

“Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! They’re a page right out of history.�

No! No! No! This is not what I had in mind at all! I hate that cartoon. My kids were forbidden to watch it when they were growing up. It was the only thing I wouldn’t let them watch.  Maybe I should have been a little more discriminating. The boys went around with all that eye makeup after “A Clockwork Orange.â€�

Surely we can do better than the Flintstones’ theme?  Damn! Now it has turned into an earworm. Tom Bergeron identified this recently as when you get one of those stupid songs stuck in your head and can’t stop replaying it in your mind.  I do this a lot with surfing music from the 1960s. I am not sure why. I never surfed and am basically terrified of the undertow. I also hate sand in my shorts.

Oh, heck.

Yabba dabba doo!

Bill Abrams resides and hums theme songs in Pine Plains.

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