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Bleacher Views

The Eptitude Bowl

Recently, the 1-7 New York Jets stood in against the 2-7 New York Giants in, of course, New Jersey. Both teams are suffering through a season of utter ineptitude, so their meeting was naturally entitled, by me, THE EPTITUDE BOWL.
The suspense was enormous as the two teams battled to see who had more eptness. Indeed the game was closely contested, and it was much more ept and entertaining than one would have guessed.

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Fun-Duh-Mentals

I suppose that baseball teams early on in the last century could be excused for thinking that the good old U S of A comprised the entire world of baseball, hence the World Series; but things have changed a little since the days of Ty Cobb and Walter Johnson. Maybe it’s time to think about another set of expansion teams, this one where languages other than English are spoken by the fans as well as the players.

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Build something good

I’m glad I’m not a kid these days; the pressure would just be too much for my skill set. I was watching my grandchildren playing with this incredibly complex Lego set the other day, one having directions that looked like it could have doubled as an entrance exam to MIT. It was too much for me. I just sat in the background, making sage and approving noises while trying to avoid any questions more complex than “Isn’t this cool, Grampa?”

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Good team/great team

One of the differences between football and baseball is the difference between what’s good and what’s great. In baseball, it’s more a matter of learned skill building on exceptional talent; in football, greatness depends on athletic ability even more than on careful preparation.

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Psst. It’s a dark conspiracy

Don’t Americans love a conspiracy! Whether it’s Area 51, the Bermuda Triangle or a presidential election, Americans will dump in a New York second an explanation that appeals to common sense and adopt one that assumes deep, dark, hidden powers are behind every unusual event.

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September Song

Right. It’s September, and that means two things. One, it’s the month of my wedding anniversary, and this one is a biggie — 50 of them have now gone by. More exciting to most people will be the change of seasons. No, I don’t mean the one given to us by Mother Nature with the glorious foliage and the turned up thermostat. No, I mean the important one — the change over from baseball to football.

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Car Wreck

I coached football for a bunch of years, and I still maintain that for youngsters, there is no better sport to learn from. Football teaches boys to be aware, to analyze their environment and to respond quickly and properly — important lessons for teen aged boys.
For men? Not so much. Howie Long, the long-time defensive lineman, said, “Playing in the NFL is like being in a car crash every week.” Ouch!

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Stimulating simulations

A common philosophical argument states that we may already be living in a computer simulation constructed by some advanced race of aliens who have programmed us to see how we handle life’s difficulties while living in this unevolved, primitive state.

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In the heat of the month

Though it will have to go some to beat the July heat, August is the time when baseball games feel like they are being played in a sauna, and the season, which to me started the day before yesterday, is beginning to take its final shape.
Boston has endured a very long losing streak and would seem to be done. Why? The same reason that bedevils all losing teams — pitching. The Sox score plenty of runs, but the guys on the mound, especially the starters, have let them down with a consistency that bespeaks a World Series hangover of biblical proportions.

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Trade War of another sort

As of this moment, the Major League trade deadline has come and gone. Thank heavens! Though much thought about, talked about, and anticipated, it is not a high point of my bleacher view of the season. If anything, quite the reverse.

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