I need assistance, please

The role of the assistant has many facets, often depending upon what type of assistant. For instance, we have the assistant pilot, or copilot. He can take over for the real pilot if he gets tired or has to use the bathroom. Assisting surgeons probably do a lot of the same stuff. I think he takes over if the main guy panics. He can also act as a consultant when the primary surgeon asks, “Should this be that color?”The copilot helps the pilot with the maps (“Don’t look at the map. You just watch the road, er, sky.”) and as a corroborating witness to UFOs.One of the most important roles of the assistant is to provide job security for the assistee. It is always good when heading up a department to build up the staff before anybody notices. This way, when the inevitable cutbacks occur you have a buffer between yourself and the cut. This also demonstrates how much of a team player you are, willing to shoulder additional work to help out in hard times. The fact that you helped to create the hard times with your excess staff is not immediately apparent.Sales assistants do their boss’ job for them, at least the main stuff. This way fearless leader can do all that vital schmoozing that locks in customers while his underlings grind out the data and keeps track of orders. When the boss fires one of the salesmen, the assistant is the one who has to go collect the company car and deal with the mess, face to face. The assistant is also the one who gets to go to Canada in the winter and Florida in the summer. The boss will do the Hawaii conference.There are people who seek out these jobs in the mistaken belief that they do not bear the ultimate responsibility if something goes wrong. They think that they will be flying under the radar while the department head shoulders the blame. Wrong. Whether you know it or not, you will be first on line at the guillotine. When a department head gets called on the carpet, the first thing he will do, in my experience, is to start flailing about with his headsman’s ax to demonstrate that he is making serious changes. This buys him breathing space, sometimes as much as a year. In that time a lot of things can happen that could save his bacon. His boss could be fired, the company could be acquired, or he could find another job.So what do we learn from this? Assistants are the Blue Light Specials of industry, almost as good as the real boss, but a lot cheaper.Where is my intern? He was supposed to type this up for me.Bill Abrams resides, and conducts his business with his intern (wife), in Pine Plains.

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