Ultimate gift certificate

Gift certificates are difficult to understand. They keep you from pocketing the money and paying a bill with it, but they also say, “I was only able to muster enough thought to narrow it down to this store. I couldn’t come up with the extra effort to actually pick something out.� A mixed message, at best. You are forcing the recipient to spend the money on something they would like, but they have to pick it out. Presumably, financial stability is not one of those things.

We can take the lack of effort a step further by giving a mall certificate. Now we could not even decide on a store. Take another step back, the credit card gift certificate. Now we have expanded the choice to anybody that accepts that card. Finally, there is the ultimate gift certificate, accepted by all merchants, cash.

This is the final insult. It is what I give out. It says that I do not enjoy buying gifts and do not support the concept, but being forced to live in this world have expended the absolute minimum effort for your present and here, go buy yourself something; or not. It also extends an invitation to reciprocate, which will allow me to buy something that I really want, not what you think I should have.

u      u      u

Perhaps we could open a dialog about putting an end to this nonsense. Then I could just buy myself something nice when it is your birthday or whatever. Now that might be fun.

Some gift certificates carry a burden. Restaurants are like this. Rarely will you actually cover the entire meal with the value received. You are going to have to dig into your pocket for the difference. Even if you do have enough in the gift, you will likely come up with change due. Some stores will actually give you the change, but how do you know? You are embarrassed to ask. Instead, you try to calculate the meal to come out right on the button. Then you realize that you have forgotten the tip.

Sometimes you will get a certificate for a store that has nothing you want or is just too far away. Now what; do we let them get away without honoring the purchase price? Wouldn’t it be better to just send it to someone at random who lives near the store?

Maybe I will just write “Pay to the order of� and then put the giver’s name on it and send it back as a gift for him. Maybe he will get the idea. At the very least, I will probably never have to deal with him again.

Problem solved.

The writer lives in Pine Plains, where he hoards his gift certificates.

 

 

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