Fashion sense

I hate pleated pants. On other men they always seem to look stylish. They just make me look like that children’s toy, the Weeble (“Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall downâ€�). 

Fashion is a tough area for men as they get older. Many of us became frozen in a particular era that we thought was cool. Many men my age are still wearing the remnants of their hair in a DA style, and blue jeans slung low, almost falling off their hips, creating a decidedly baggy seat.

This takes effort. You can’t buy those “hip hugger� jeans. They would look too fitted. You have to buy what I call “general purpose� jeans (not carpenter’s jeans with the little loop — that is so 1970s), and then let them droop.

And don’t forget some nice, white socks. One concession: Engineer boots are not on the shelf at Shoetown these days.

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So what is the problem? Why do we shy away from that tailored look? Partly it is a fear of looking ridiculous. Worse than being behind the times is to appear to be trying too hard. We used to call this being a “hitter.� This is when you try to get with the times, but just miss by enough to be noticeable. It is a result of partial cultural immersion, a phenomena of older generations who are just not fully in tune with their surroundings. Me with an earring would be a good example. Me with a decorative tattoo would be a hanging offense.

Is there a solution? Not really. Wives, sweethearts and well-meaning friends try to dress us properly, but we just balk and revert at the first opportunity. We do not believe that we can carry off that sharp look in the suit commercial or the debonair air in the Vodka ad. We feel ridiculous and out of our element.

What is our element? Why, it is the past! We seek out others of our ilk at the neighborhood MacDonald’s (or local equivalent) and sit around sipping coffee while talking about the good old days and admiring each other’s baggy pants. We can even find it in our hearts to forgive the guy who still wears the muscle T-shirt. (He is the same guy who believes that the greatest movie of all time is “Viva Las Vegas.�)

 Having worked in the world of business for many years, I was forced to look respectable and not too far out of step. The middle-of-the-road JC Penney business style worked well. Then I retired and a funny thing happened. Most of my socks are now white. 

I wonder if the Internet sells engineer boots with arch supports?

Bill Abrams resides and polices fashion in Pine Plains.

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