Unhandyman

I am mechanically reclined. Nonetheless, occasionally I will convince myself that, like Fredo Corleone in “The Godfather,� “I’m Smaaaht! I can do things!� And like Fredo, I am delusional.

Recently I tackled a folding door that had uninstalled itself through an accident that we need not go into here. My first step is to the medicine cabinet to find my bottle of Nu-Skin, the miraculous, liquid bandage. I go through a lot of this. I average one injury per project. My second step is to go to the basement and find my power tools. These allow us to do things so much faster than in the old, hand tool-only days. I can make my mistakes much faster now. You know the old one about the guy that cuts the board again and again, but it is still too short?

The door was not totally dismantled. The sliding thingy would not slide on the overhead track. The door hung at a crazy angle, mocking me. I swear I could hear faint laughter. It had to be completely uninstalled to find the problem. Working directly overhead is not fun for older folks. Your arms get really tired.  I had to take a lot of breaks.

    u    u    u

Having removed the entire assembly, I discovered that the little hanger things needed to be glued. This gave me 24 hours before I had to come back to this job plus time for the ache in my fingers to stop. Did I forget to mention that when removing a folding door, it should be flat? If you try to remove it while folded, it suddenly and definitely seeks out the flat mode, evidently the default position, often at the most unexpected of moments. Overnight is also a good amount of time for a liberal coating of Nu-Skin to dry.

The next morning I studied the problem for several hours while hoping my handy friend might happen by. No such luck. Well, the door was obviously too long for the doorway. Shorten glider pegs at floor end with small saw. Install door. Pegs are now too short. Uninstall. Adjust hangers at top of door. Reinstall. Pegs are still too short. Find sawed off pieces of pegs in trash and re-fasten to stubs with screws. Install. Glider things at top of door need washers. Uninstall.  Washers on. Reinstall. Open new bottle of Nu-Skin and apply liberally. Make correction in work diary. Instead of one injury per project, it now reads one per project or per day, whichever is the greater of the two.

I did fix the door. You just have to get used to the handle being on the wrong side.

Now, was that so hard?

Bill Abrams resides in Pine Plains.

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