'It is all the grace of God': Surviving Rwandan genocide

Women of all ages converged on Lakeville last weekend, coming from as nearby as Sharon and as far away as Botswana. The Hotchkiss School hosted the third Independent School Gender Project Conference from June 19 to 21.

Independent schools send four women — two teachers and two students — to the conference for a weekend of workshops and discussion on gender issues. The gender project includes schools across the United States and Canada, and this year Hotchkiss’ sister school in Botswana, Maru-a-Pula (Hotchkiss headmaster  Malcolm H. Mackenzie is a former faculty member), sent a contingent.

“What we’re trying to accomplish is gathering women and girls of all ages together to work together to collaborate, to learn what they can do in their schools to ensure equity among women and how they can make change,� said Nancy Bird, director of health services at Hotchkiss and an organizer of the conference.

About 140 women from 21 schools participated in 25 workshops covering topics such as body image, leadership, social action and human rights.

“It was just a huge success,� Bird said. “Our whole study has worked using a collaborative model and that’s what we want to propose. You can accomplish things you wouldn’t otherwise be able to accomplish.�

Surviving the genocide

The highlight of the conference was the keynote address from Immaculeé Ilibagiza, a Rwandan woman who survived the 1994 genocide by hiding in a tiny bathroom with seven other women for three months. Her book, “Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust,� chronicles her experience.

This was the first year the conference opened some of its events to the public. In addition to girls in T-shirts emblazoned with a quote from Alice Walker — “We are the ones we have been waiting for� — about 120 community members filled the audience for Ilibagiza’s talk.

Carol Hotchkiss Elliot, assistant head of the Conserve School in Wisconsin and co-founder of the gender project, gave the audience background on the genocide before she introduced Ilibagiza.

In 100 days in 1994, 1 million people were killed as violence errupted between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes in Rwanda. Ilibagiza was a university student home on Easter vacation when the president’s plane was shot down, the catalyst for the violence. Her entire family, except for one brother who was studying abroad, was killed. The 800 students who remained at the university over the break were also killed, regardless of their tribal affiliation.

Before Ilibagiza spoke, the first few minutes of a documentary, “The Diary of Imaculeé,â€� were shown. Haunting images of Ilibagiza revisting the bathroom she hid in helped the audience understand  the magnitude of her experience.

Ilibagiza is a tall, graceful woman with long, expressive fingers that illustrate her points when she speaks. Strength and tranquility radiate from her even when she speaks of the anger she felt at the Hutus during the genocide. She speaks repeatedly of her faith in God, which kept her sane during her confinement and eventually gave her the ability to forgive her family’s murderers.

“Every time I watch this documentary, it brings me back,� she said with tears in her voice. “People have to know who we are when we go through hell like that, how strong we are.�

Ilibagiza described her life before the genocide. She was the only daughter of well-respected parents. Her father was a devout Catholic and a man of importance in their village. She spoke of how she and her brothers used to beg their father for better shoes and nicer clothes. He would tell them to stop asking, because they had to pay for a village child to go to school, they couldn’t spend their money on material things.

She remembered being angry with her parents for making her come home on her break, a decision that ultimately saved her life. She had an exam to study for and wanted to stay at school. When the violence began, her parents came to her and asked her to hide in the house of a pastor in the village. She said she didn’t want to leave them, but did as they asked out of respect.

“It is through their love that I am here today,� she said.

A door hidden by the wardrobe

The women who huddled in that bathroom ranged in age from 7 to 55. They could not talk and had to wait to run water until someone in the other bathroom did the same. They ate the leftover scraps the pastor was able to smuggle them — he did not even tell his own family that he was hiding eight women in the bathroom off the master bedroom.

Bands of Hutus armed with machetes roamed the village, searching every room in every house for hidden Tutsis. They spent two hours searching the pastor’s home, looking in suitcases for children, but did not find the bathroom, which was hidden behind a wardrobe.

Before she went into hiding, Ilibagiza’s father gave her a rosary. She spent long, silent hours praying the rosary and meditating on the life of Christ.

In her brief interactions with the pastor, she asked him to place a radio near the bathroom so the women could hear what was happening in their country. After about a month, she asked for an English dictionary and an English book and set about teaching herself the language.

“It was like dying slowly to wait for the killers,� she said. “I saw them coming from the small window and I fainted.�

She spoke of her internal struggle as hearing two voices: One urged her to just flee the bathroom and throw herself at the murdering Hutus; the other consoled her, telling her to trust in God.

“I prayed just to shut off my doubts,� she said. “I only stopped when I fell asleep.�

When the Rwandan Patriotic Front conquered the Hutu military responsible for the genocide and Ilibagiza was able to emerge from the bathroom, she found herself without family or friends.

“Everybody I left behind was killed,� she said. “I don’t know one person Tutsi who survived.�

Eventually, she made her way to the capitol city, Kigali, where she convinced a man at the United Nations to give her a job. That job led her to the United States, where she was encouraged to write her story.

She has been given honorary doctorates by the University of Notre Dame and St. John’s University. She is now regarded as one of the leading speakers on peace, faith and forgiveness. Negotiations are underway to turn “Left To Tell� into a movie and she has written a second book, “Led by Faith: Rising from the Ashes of the Rwandan Genocide.�

“I wish I can tell the world what hatred can do,� she said. “Pain helped me move beyond hatred. There is nothing special in me. It is all the grace of God.�

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